Case was definitely singing about his girlfriend’s friend wanting to get with him but the title’s fitting, no? *laughs*
It has taken me awhile to get to this point, but it wasn’t too far off. I have had enough with fickle friends. Friends who are inconsistent, unreliable, and unavailable. Friends who are your friends when it is most convenient for them. Friends who lie, steal… Yup. Had one of those. Friends who forget who had their backs whether it made you look stupid or not. Friends who scheme and plot… Yup. That too.
At my BIG age, I find myself battling FOMO and lamenting over the years that I have been yearning for friends and gaining and losing them all at the same rate. Thinking every single person I connect with is my friend. Real kindergarten, but I admire kids. Ya’ll see how they just be making friends? I have learned through the people who I have associated myself with what type of friend I am and what type of friend I should or shouldn’t be. I’ve also learned that I need to embrace reality and remove those fictional expectations I have on people to be the perfect friend or this dream of having that perfect group of friends and not forcing myself into other groups/other people’s friends. Lord, if I learned anything in high school is you can’t fit in everywhere. The way I jumped around…
Anyway,
The ‘Girlfriends’ group of friends.
The ‘Sex & the City’ group of friends.
The ‘Bold Type’ group of friends.
The ‘Insecure’ group of friends.
Hell, the ‘Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants’ group of friends.
The Babysitters’ Club!
I have been searching for this group of friends for what seems like my whole life! What upsets me the most was that I never seemed to fit in. They either too popular, too grown, too dumb, too smart, too quiet, too loud, too bougie, too ghetto… you name it! None of the groups were for me. I’ve done the whole women’s networking and retreats… Yes. Try me. Those don’t work either because I find that a good bit of women become even more ‘You can’t sit with us’ as they get older. More on that later. What I could say is that I have always had individual friends, or maybe associates is better because I threw the word ‘friend’ out too loosely which brings me to this day and age and why I feel like this series is important.
What series?
Well,
I’ve decided that this is the time to evaluate all of my past ‘close’ friendships. There is so much to unpack here but I always feel like there is more coming from my end than the other. I give more time, support, and every other thing a FRIEND is SUPPOSE to give. People fail to realize that there is a lot of responsibility that goes into being someone’s friend; even more as someone’s best friend. Lord have I burnt out that title as well. And don’t get me wrong, shout out to Joilah, my very best friend of almost two decades. If ANYBODY knows and understands me, it’s her. She is definitely a piece in this puzzle of a series in that I’ve learnt a lot about friendship from/with her but she knows the vibes. We were just talking about how finicky friendship is in adulthood and how childhood friendships often fall apart AND how I shouldn’t be so pressed *cough* envious *cough* about other people’s friendships. Very true, but I can’t help it.
Friendships need just as much maintenance and care as a romantic relationship. I don’t understand why some people take friendship so lightly, or maybe it is just those that I have encountered. I for one am not that type of person. When you are a friend of mine, you are damn near my family. I stretch myself thin for all of my friends and try to hold on for dear life. Unhealthy? Yes. I guess that’s where I went wrong. Years and years of disappointment and the yearning to fit in has blurred my vision.
Everybody cannot be like me.
Everyone cannot be a perfect friend.
What describes my idea of a perfect friend? (I know. There’s no such thing as perfect. Blah blah.) Well, for starters, a friend should be CONSISTENT. I shouldn’t have to worry about you completely disappearing off the face of the Earth. A friend should be DEPENDABLE. I need your support. I need to know that you always have my back. A friend should be HONEST. I don’t need someone in my corner lying to me or sugarcoating anything to spare my feelings. GRAB ME BY THE COLLAR. Tell me where I f*cked up at. Now, there is a difference between being real and being an asshole. A LOT of people do not know the difference. A friend should be open to GROWING TOGETHER because what is a win without your friends hooting and hollering in the background? Communicate your dreams. Communicate your shortcomings. Communicate, period (also an area of opportunity for me). A friend should be GENUINE and allow me the space to be 1000% myself even if it makes them cringe (ha) and vice versa. Be yourself! Lastly, I need friends that are LOYAL. No matter what we go through, I shouldn’t have to worry about you sharing my or our secrets or you throwing me under the bus and riding over me a few times. I wouldn’t say that I need a friend to just tolerate me. I would say that I need a friend to accept me. Yes. I am impulsive, a bit irrational, and slightly passive aggressive [this stems from multiple things… let’s try bullying], but a real friend would smooth me right on out. Let me know when I am getting out of hand; without judgment.
Can I be these things? Yes.
Have I been given ample opportunity? Not sure. Maybe.
I have ran into too many frogs, ya’ll. This reference is mostly used for men but in this case, it’s friends. Let me be.
The biggest thing that I feel will come out of this is me realizing that I could have been a better friend. There are a small few that I regret losing… This should be interesting.
And, let’s not talk about my middle school phase of making up friends. I remember every single one. Don’t you dare! You did it too! *smirks* My imagination saved me.
Who was I as a friend?
How have these experiences shaped me?
Who were these people?
Stay tuned.
Til the BFF beaded bracelet flies,
Ella.
The Daily Ella 