*cues Slippin’ by DMX*
Ladies and gents, I’ve been slipping.
It’s been well over a month since my last post and I’m not apologizing, but I’m sorry. I will say, I’ve been getting some reading in, aka blowing through fiction novels like it’s no one’s business. Good distraction? Yes. Inspiration to write? Eh. That used to work for me. I’d get ideas for character sketches, plot points, possible lingo, but I haven’t been feeling real write-y lately. I’ve been scribbling this short narrative at work for some time now. Can’t get to the climax. It’s pretty funny though. It’s based on a dream I had a few weeks ago. For the writers (and everyone else), write down your dreams, man. Get you a dream journal. Not that we all dream vividly but a lot of things lie in our dreams. True desires. Realizations. Pure fluff to distract us from life. If I’m going to do anything with this life, it’s gonna have to be dream because this place has been a bit ghetto. And yes, I am taking back the word ‘ghetto’. It’s fitting. It works. It’s when people use it wrong that it messes up the whole thing.
Anyway, random rambles are me.
So, what’s new? Let’s see.
I’ve gotten four job applications declined in two days, BUT I won four bucks playing the Mega Millions. Ok. I know. Four measly dollars, but come on. It’s a win, right? What else? Sis got called for jury duty and guess what? You know what. The bright side? I won’t be at work? *slowly shrugs* A podcast is looming in your girl’s horizon. I’m excited with a head full of ideas. No clue what to call this thing, but we’ll cross that bridge when we get to it. I’ve found myself enamored of my other half recently. I’ve been sitting on a piece about him. Might share it soon. There’s something to us reconnecting in some way every time we approach another year together. We get closer for some reason. And, I tend to learn a lot of new sh*t. Can anyone else relate? Also, my nephew is going to be one in two days. (I’m not crying. You are.)
Two of my friends spoke into me these past two days. Ain’t an excuse in the world to explain why I haven’t been about this blog. About my novel. About my writing career, in general. I told one that I’ve been feeling discouraged a bit. Let’s unpack that. I’ve been reading a sh*t ton and loving it all, but then sitting in this space of ‘Damn, my writing ain’t even close to this’ or ‘Damn, I wish I could get to 20,000 words.’ The other day, that voice in the back of my spirit tried to tell me I couldn’t do this. That I wasn’t as creative as I thought I was. That none of my work was worth a damn. Trying to convince myself that I’m not a writer at all. *plucks those thoughts to Jupiter* Come on! I’ve been writing since the first grade. Wrote my first short story at ten. Swapped a notebook with a group of friends, writing sister girl narratives like we were grown. (You know what I’m talking about!) I write the hell out of a poem in minutes and the sh*t flows. What’s up with me?
Don’t even get me started with journaling. That’s where I became me. This voice. This humor. This kick out of storytelling. You know? I tried to convince myself that I didn’t have an audience, but my friend definitely checked me; “your supporters are waiting to read dammit!” He reminded not to be discouraged and even added that I inspired him to write a little. That alone snapped me out of it.
Writing or any other form of art is bigger than you. It’s impactful. It could change someone’s life. The creator and those receiving it. I’ve always been super passionate about writing and although I’ve lost my way a bit, that’s never changed. I am a damn good writer. I’m going to write this damn novel. And I’m going to post on this good ol’ blog here every damn week because what the hell else do I have to do? Well. Besides work, having a social life, and taking care of these damn cats who believe this house is theirs. *smirks*
As Margaret piles her furry ass on my shoulder like she’s a kitten, I close with a paraphrase of what my other friend told me:
“Your path is paved. Dont’ worry. And keep writing! We just have to work harder. For some reason, we have to go through more obstacles, but we will get there.”
Shout out to those friends. Ya’ll know who ya’ll are. *winks*
Til the old notebook and HP keyboard flies,
Ella.
The Daily Ella 