Iyanla always asked her guests, “When did your heart break?”. Almost instantaneously, they would cry and say something like, “I was 5 years old.”
You can imply what she means, but in this case, I mean the emotional breakdown of relationship.
The moment you learn that the person(s) you trusted the most betrayed you.
The moment that you are disregarded.
Not respected.
Not a mere thought in someone’s (others’) mind(s).
Well.
To that I would say, I was 30 years old.
I think of the most influential people in my life that had shaped me in some way. The ones I placed on a rather high pedestal. They received this ‘high honor’ because of the disconnect I had within close quarters. They could do no wrong. I valued the relationship between myself and them than the one with myself.
*reads and reflects on that last line*
As audacious of hurt that it has caused, I’ve learned a great deal about communicating what I need, and more apparent, reducing communication to nothing. Sometimes, it isn’t worth explaining, spilling the beans, gushing through your heart strings, what others have done to me.
Sometimes,
it’s best to just back off. Back the hell off. Even if that means not speaking to someone for over a year. That may not be the best approach, but guess what? I have to heal myself. Work through what has torn me down. Battle with comparison to people who seem to move forward so quickly while you’re drowning in your own feelings, wondering why you can’t move on just as quickly.
This makes me question, where is the respect for myself? The deeper connection within oneself?
I guess if I need them, they’ll be there.
I need me more though.
All that glitters isn’t gold, baby.
Including the people that you’ve blindly admired all your life.
Til the hook bracelet flies,
Ella.
The Daily Ella 