When is the right time to speak up?
How do you determine that it is fair for you to share your thoughts?
Will it matter if it’s well received?
This past year has been too much, friends. I honestly don’t know where to start. Well, one, the level of dissatisfaction I have in my life currently, is off the chain. It’s one of those, “I feel stuck” situations which I haven’t experienced in about three years. Two, my health has been a joke the entire time. Mysterious headaches, three-year-old numbness in my pinky finger, a fibroid. Ha! & three, I feel like there’s a major test G*d is administering to me.
What is the message, L*rd?
What am I missing?
Am I not doing something?
Why is everything so hard?!
I feel like everything, and everyone is beating me up. Especially at work.
I work at the most discouraging, unmotivating, low morale-having ass place.
Now.
Many of you may share the same sentiment, but this my story, ain’t it?
Anyway,
I have tried to be patient and work through hostility. I have tried to “thug it out” until a given time. I have tried the “be vocal”, “express your concerns”, “what can I do to support you?”. Honestly, it is beyond me, at this point. Slap in the face after slap in the face after slap in the face. Unsupportive team, say ho! Unsupportive leadership, say hey! It is unbearable. It’s enough that I harbor so much of it as well. Poor character trait, say ho ho! Without the specifics *read between line, friends*, I have met my capacity. I know this because it has now seeped into my personal life, deterring me from my hobbies, my relationships, my finances (because eating outside has been my saving grace), and my mental well-being.
Talking about that.
It has been a minute since I’ve rage laughed. Ya’ll know what rage laugh is, don’t play. It’s the Courage the Cowardly Dog laugh that you do when all h*ll breaks loose and all you do is sit through it. It’s giving the meme of the dog sitting at the table in an enflamed kitchen.
It’s the excessive crying to the point that I find myself crying to people I shouldn’t be.
They are in on my pending mental break!
But,
In all seriousness, all that this has shown is the importance of choosing yourselves. Knowing when you have met your threshold. Long before your doom. I actually considered “the f*ck this sh*t” approach and sent myself into hysteria. & to up the ante, a tension headache and swollen eyes rocked my world.
Good thing my doctor’s appointment is on Monday, eh?
Enough of my shenanigans.
To the point of this.
I learned very quickly that sometimes, all you can do is give up. And as unmotivating as that sounds, giving up is sometimes the best thing you can do. Shout out to the person who told me this. *wink* She also told me that I should not put others’ perception of me before doing what is best for myself. She was spittin’, but my mind was a loose cannon, so I don’t remember it all. Someone also told me don’t go rouge and to consider all of the other things that I need, like a piece of mind.
Which ain’t free.
When is the right time to speak up?
How do you determine that it is fair for you to share your thoughts?
Will it matter if it’s well received?
Nope.
Til the burning keyboard flies,
Ella.
The Daily Ella 